


Holding Onto Nothing Like it's Everything

by bar2d2s



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Affection, Hand Jobs, M/M, Praise Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5760736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bar2d2s/pseuds/bar2d2s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time following the destruction of Starkiller Base was different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding Onto Nothing Like it's Everything

Their private time together was usually rough; full of biting and scratching, leaving dark marks to be hidden by high collars, bruises easily agitated by the press of starched cloth and supple leather. They pushed each other to the limit, had even gone beyond once or twice, but neither man ever backed down.

The first time following the destruction of Starkiller Base was different.

Kylo Ren had been released from medical days prior, and had mostly been keeping to himself. The common theory was that Snoke had ordered him to reflect and meditate on his failure in solitude, but Hux knew the truth. As he was still on rest orders, his physical weapons had been stripped from him.

Kylo Ren was sulking.

Hux didn't bother to knock, the door to Kylo's quarters opening for him automatically. Kylo was laying flat on his back, in the clothes that medical had given him. The other man didn't even bother to sit up in bed, though his head did turn to confirm his visitor. As if anyone else would be so bold as to enter his room unannounced. He wasn't wearing his helmet, and Hux tsked.

"Look at you. Still so pretty, even with that new addition." Kylo hated his face, hated how oddly-proportioned he was. Frankly, Hux found Kylo's face to be one of the few things he genuinely liked about the man. It flushed so easily, and his eyes always told you exactly what he was thinking. That kind of openness...it was obvious why he wore the helmet.

As he walked further into the room, the door slid shut behind him, throwing them back into darkness. "Lights on." Hux ordered, and as soon as the ceiling panels had flickered to life-

"Lights off." Kylo whispered, and away they went. Hux sighed.

Lights on, low power." He needed to _see_ , damn it. He wasn't so familiar with Kylo's room that he could traverse it in the dark, after all. Kylo at least waited until he was within touching range to order the lights off again. "Lights on. Stop that, I want to look at you."

The statement gave them both pause. Hux was usually the one who preferred the darkness, only bringing up the lights when he wanted to watch Kylo kneel before him. Of the two of them, Hux was smaller, and slighter of frame. He had a galaxy of freckles and beauty marks dotting his skin beneath his uniform, and while he knew Kylo was desperate to explore him, he would never allow it.

Kylo held his breath.

"Undress." Hux told him, and he immediately complied.

His breath hitched as he watched Kylo slowly remove his tunic, his side a mass of scarring and bruised flesh. There was similar scarring on his shoulder, but none of the bruises. According to the doctor, Kylo had intentionally aggravated his blaster wound, beating on it with all his strength. Hux wondered, briefly, what could have possibly possessed him to do that, and then Kylo was sliding off his pants and making to sit back on the bed.

"No." He paused. "Into the refresher with you." Kylo blinked down at him, still silent. "If you haven't changed your clothes in a week, then you haven't showered in a week. That is disgusting, and you will do it now."

When Kylo made no move to do as he'd said, Hux gripped him by his uninjured shoulder and steered him into the shower himself. "Water on. Cold." It was cruel, but it got the desired results: a loud yelp and a swear.

"Warm, warm!" Kylo gasped, pressing himself out of reach of the icy water. "You absolute bastard." Hux nearly smiled.

Hux had left his overcoat in his own quarters, but the steam was starting to make his uniform coat uncomfortable. Stepping out of the refresher, he unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his collar. Better, but not quite. Unzipping his coat, he arranged it on the back of the room's only chair. Outside in the actual bedroom, there was a chill in the air, so he didn't remove his shirt, merely rolled the sleeves up a bit. Once finished, he returned to check on Kylo, a sharp inhale the only indication that he'd reentered the refresher.

Kylo was standing directly beneath the spray, face tilted up, eyes closed. His dark hair was plastered to his cheeks and neck, and he somehow looked more human, and less at the same time. There was no soap on his body, but his skin seemed pinker, as if he'd scrubbed it while Hux was out of the room. Even his hair looked cleaner, and Hux mentally praised him on his efficiency. At this, Kylo _did_ smile, and Hux scowled. Damnable mind tricks.

"Thank you." He said, just to be difficult. "Water off." There was a towel hanging on the wall, and Kylo called it to him. Hux shook his head at this needless display, but knew it was a sign that the taller man was feeling more like himself. He always did like to show off.

Kylo dried his hair first, rivulets of water sliding down his long body unnoticed by him, their paths followed closely by the room's other occupant. He did his face next, then his arms, his torso, his hips. By the time he bends to dry his legs, Hux's hands are twitching. This was a very, very different reaction than his usual one, and he is confused.

Hux will usually call him to his quarters when Kylo Ren has been particularly destructive, or if he himself has had a hell of a day. The way they hurt each other frees them, for a little while, and it's soothing. But now, watching Kylo carefully pat the water off of his own body, Hux finds that he actually _feels_ something, directed at him no less. It could be desire, from the way his legs shake with the effort of standing perfectly still, and the stirring in his cock. It could be fondness, from the warmth in his chest and belly. It could even be both.

And then Kylo has stepped out of the shower, tall and powerfully imposing, bare before him, and Hux realizes with a jolt that what he feels _is_ both, but more. He is filled with the fond desire to please him.

His gloved hand is reaching towards Kylo's face before he can think, and then his fingers have been captured between Kylo's lips. Hux can feel the heat and the pressure of Kylo sucking them, but he cannot feel the warm wetness of Kylo's tongue mapping his fingerprints and suddenly, he wants to. Kylo grins around his fingers, spit dribbling down his chin, and takes the tips of Hux's glove between his teeth. 

Hux watches, dumbfounded as Kylo removes his glove with his teeth, and by the time he has tugged the material away, his self control is gone.

They do not kiss. It has never been their way. They fight with their mouths, ripping, bruising, biting. But this press of lips, his hands going up to clutch at Kylo's still-damp hair, one hand still in his glove...it is a kiss. Kylo's arm goes to his waist, hand pressed to the small of his back. They're flush against each other, panting. The bright light of the refresher throws Kylo's blown pupils into stark relief, and Hux feels himself throb.

Something is different, and Hux does not know why.

As Kylo Ren pulls him into the dimness of his bedroom, unbuttoning his crisp white uniform shirt to mouth at the skin of his neck, he finds that he does not care.

Kylo is nude, so his attentions have been turned to the layers upon layers of clothes still on Hux's body. After he shrugged off the button-down, Kylo rucked his undershirt up his torso, tracing the lines of his stomach as Hux pulled that top off as well. He pushed Hux gently to sit on the bed, his uniform boots the one piece of clothing that took a bit of a fight to remove. Once they were gone, Hux stood again, though Kylo remained kneeling.

"Wait." He breathed as Hux's hands went to his waistband. "Wait." Kylo raised himself up slightly, his lips brushing against Hux's stomach. In the low lighting, Hux's freckles were barely visible, but it seemed Kylo was determined to touch every one he could reach from this position. For some reason, Hux allowed him this, his fingers threading into Kylo's hair. By the time Kylo reached for the opening of his pants, Hux was trembling.

He doesn't allow Hux's pants to fall down his legs, simply drawing out his hard cock and nuzzling it. Hux's breath hitched, his grip on Kylo's hair tightening as he mouthed up the shaft. His chin hit his chest when Kylo sucked the head into his mouth, watching him through wild eyes.

"Good." He breathed, and Kylo's mouth went momentarily slack before his efforts suddenly quickened, became more enthusiastic. "Good, oh, so good." Hux's hand relaxed on Kylo's head, stroking his hair as Kylo nearly choked himself on his cock. After a few more minutes of this, Hux pulled him off. The night was young, after all.

Kylo weaved as he stood, a dazed look on his face. He was flushed all the way down his torso, cock quivering against his stomach. It was his expression that drew Hux in, lost, yet pleased, and they kissed again. Hux felt his pants fall, and stepped out of them, kicking them aside, toeing off his socks, while he's at it. His clothes were strewn all around Kylo's room now, rather than in the orderly pile on the desk that they usually were. Hux is still wearing his other glove.

Slowly, so not to startle the other man, he bites the tip of his gloved index finger. In a practiced gesture that Kylo watches, trance-like, he folds his palm, the entire glove sliding off from that single point of pressure. It falls to the ground, and Kylo inhales.

In the end, it is the soft touch of Hux's pale, callused hands on his throat that break him.

There is no pressure, just a caress, but Kylo's legs go weak. His cock jumps, and Hux can feel it, the way they're pressed flush against each other. If he were to take a step back, fall to the bed, Kylo would follow him without question, but he doesn't want to release his light grip on the taller man's throat. He isn't even choking him, just holding, thumbs tracing up and down as Kylo shudders and sobs.

"Shh." He soothes, surprising himself. Without letting go, he pivots them, and Kylo falls back. Hux releases his hold for a moment, before climbing onto the bed and straddling his legs, his hands going back to that pale throat. If he leans forward, their cocks will slide against each other, and the thought causes a fat drip of precome to leak from him. "Tell me what you need."

Kylo's eyes widen in surprise. Hux had never been so... _accommodating_ before, but he's not so ungrateful as to refuse him.

"Touch me." He begs, tears still rolling down his splotchy face at odd intervals. "Let me touch you. Please."

Hux removes his hands from Kylo's throat, climbs off his body, and he feels rather than hears the pitiful whine this causes. Shaking his head, _so dramatic_ , he has Kylo sit up, lean against the wall. Bracing himself on his knees, he sits astride Kylo's thighs again, taking the other man's length in hand, rubbing his fingers across the wet head and down to cut back on friction. Kylo gasped, hips attempting to buck before he controlled himself, reaching for Hux.

At the first swipe of Kylo's fingers on the shaft of his cock, Hux finds himself unable to breathe. The feeling of hands roughened from his lightsaber wrapped around him, the look of deep concentration in Kylo's eyes...he's gasping, hand braced on Kylo's shoulder as his own strokes lose their uniformity. Kylo's other hand moved from his hip to his ass, squeezing before it wanders upwards, scoring soft lines down his back with his nails.

Their hips are both moving now, fucking into fists. Hux is leaning forward, chest to chest, panting into Kylo's collarbone. Kylo moans loudly into his ear, grip tightening, and Hux feels the splash of his release between them. Despite this, Kylo doesn't stop stroking him, simply pauses for a moment and when he begins again, the slide is slicker. Hux gasps, cries out as he realizes what Kylo has done, reaches up to clutch at his hair again with both hands.

He's riding Kylo's hand, mouth latched onto the side of his throat, when he feels it. He's going to come. Kylo feels it too, be it from the way his body tenses or through his deep, meaningful connection to the bloody _Force_ Hux doesn't know, and he stops scratching up Hux's back, tugging him away from his neck by his hair. Hux finds himself moaning into Kylo's mouth when he comes, eyes wide open, but unseeing.

It's never been this messy before, their fronts slipping against each other a feeling that, as he comes down from his post-orgasmic high, Hux finds truly disgusting. His legs are nearly numb from the way he's been sitting, but he'd never voice the need for assistance to get to the shower.

Embarrassingly, he forgot _again_ that he didn't need to.

Kylo rubbed the feeling back into his legs, and helped him to stand. Though he didn't actually walk him to the refresher, he did follow him. Once he'd stepped into the shower, however, Hux felt the need to ask. "Yes?" Kylo combed a hand through his own hair, his fingers coming back covered in shiny, pearlescent liquid, and Hux suddenly remembered what he'd done. "Ah. Carry on."

They didn't talk, or share any kind of post-coital banter. Honestly, at this point, Hux would usually have been gone, to shower in his own quarters. Instead, he found himself washing Kylo's hair for him as the taller man kneeled at his feet. Kylo lays a single kiss on the cluster of freckles at Hux's hip once he's finished, his expression serene as he stood. The towel from earlier is still wet and useless, so they dry off with Kylo's topsheet, much to Hux's distaste. Kylo lays back down, in a similar position to the one Hux had initially found him in, and pulls the thicker blanket on the bed over himself. The look on his face is guarded now, but calm. He's waiting for Hux to dress himself and leave.

Hux surprises them both by sliding beneath the covers with him, cautiously laying by his side. Kylo immediately rolls, the softness of his cheek marred only by his jagged scar as he rests his head on Hux's shoulder. They still aren't talking, but Hux feels as if he should say _something_.

"I," He begins awkwardly, then clears his throat. His voice came out too high. "I am pleased...I am _glad_ that you are not dead." Kylo's cheek twitches, and Hux knows him to be smiling.

"And I'm glad that you didn't leave me to die." This brings a small smile to his own face, even as he feels Kylo take his hand and lace their fingers together.

If he were to fall asleep here, if his officers were to come looking for him and be unable to find him in his usual locations, if he were to be discovered here...his thoughts raced like dogfighting TIE ships, yet he still couldn't find a reason to leave. He's tired, his body lax with satisfaction, and he's not quite sure why he's allowing this ridiculous intimacy, but he can hazard a guess.

"You're a menace." Hux whispers more than hisses as he'd intended, and this time, Kylo Ren laughs.

"Lights off." He says to the room, and they plunge back into darkness. "If you truly thought that," His words are aimed at Hux this time. "You wouldn't have kept coming back." Kylo ends his thoughts with a soft kiss to the side of Hux's neck, and the general can feel sleep calling to him.

In a few hours, he'll have the choice to pretend that this never happened. To never return to Kylo Ren's bed, to throw him off of his ship and into Snoke's presence, to deny that he'd ever felt any kind of peace around him. And then Kylo's fingers tighten around his as he snuffles into his neck, and Hux knows that he wouldn't dare. Something is different now, with Starkiller Base a fading memory and so many of his soldiers dead. With the Resistance on the rise, and Skywalker presumably returning from his long absence. The universe was going to hell around him yet somehow, the whirlwind of rage and impulsiveness that was Kylo Ren had become his serene escape.

Hux frowned, then sighed, pressing a kiss into Kylo's hair.

Any port in a storm wasn't _quite_ the right idiom, but for now, it would do.


End file.
